Word Vomit

You have me thinking about the future; planning and fantasizing about what might happen. Sure, it’s normal to wonder in any relationship how things will work out, but it’s different this time. I’m not just sitting around fantasizing about having a future with you; I’m striving towards it. I want to have plans and backup plans and last resort plans with you. You are someone I will still want in my life 10 years down the road. It’s not a given, but I am sure as hell going to try. I’ll be happy if I only get a few happy years with you as long as I know we did everything we could to keep it going.

I love you. I love you so damn much that it drives me insane. I’m clingy and needy and I get jealous at the slightest interaction any other girl has with you. Jealousy has never been an issue with me before, but I suddenly feel the need to protect what is mine. I want to protect US. And yea, I know it’s an overreaction, but I can’t help but to respond that way. Fuck you for giving me feelings. Why the fuck do I feel the need to word vomit all over because I don’t even know how to express my goddamn feelings for you? You’re killing me here. I am actually falling in love here. Straight up think about you all the time, share my morning coffee with you, kiss you even when you’re sick, move to fucking rainy-ass Seattle for you kind of love. What the fuck?  Is this really how I feel? This is fucking crazy as fuck. How am I supposed to function when I am constantly thinking about you? You got me in a mess here, Austin. You make me want to be in love. You make me want to wake up and make breakfast and sing and dance in my room in the middle of the night. You make me want to fight through all the shit; the stress, the anxiety, the depression. You make me want to live, Austin. Because of you, I want to wake up one day with you by my side and be happy. I haven’t been happy in so long, but you make me think I could be one day. That’s why I love you. I don’t care if you’re it for me, if you’re my last crazy love. That’s enough for me.

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